Mindfulness for Coping With Heavy Emotions

We all face intense emotions at some point in our lives, this is a normal part of our human experience. However, it is important to ask ourselves if we are avoiding our strong emotions or if we express them in unhealthy ways. 

Intense anger, disappointment, or sadness are not enjoyable to feel, so it is natural for people to try to evade these emotions. If you are amongst those who avoid feeling your unpleasant feelings, the following information could potentially provide a new perspective and help you view emotions from a more positive standpoint. 

A Scientific Approach to Thoughts

According to neuroscientists, when we think a thought, where our feelings get triggered, a chemical called noradrenaline gets released into our bloodstream creating a physiological response to what we are thinking and feeling. It takes about 90 seconds for the adrenaline to flush through and out of our blood. If you rethink the thought you reactivate the whole process. 

Simply put, it takes about 90 seconds for an emotion like anger to run its course throughout your body and dissipate if you do not choose to hold on to the thought or emotion. This means that the emotions we feel are only temporary. 

Having this in mind, it makes it a lot easier for us to connect with our emotions. However, it takes practice and this is where mindfulness comes into play. 

We need to learn to sit with our emotions, stay present with them, ride out the waves of discomfort, and observe the stories our mind is telling us.

So, you have decided to take on the challenge of mastering your emotions. Start with small events that bring you discomfort but that you feel you can handle. 

Scenario

You come home from work and your partner is lying on the couch watching TV. They have not done the dishes, cleaned the apartment, gone out with the dog, or made any dinner. Even though they’ve been home all day and promised they would do all of these things. You had a rough day at work and feel the anger rising in your body. If you start talking now, you will end up in an argument. You want to catch yourself early on before the angry thoughts fester and you take on unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Mindfulness Meditation

Sit or lie down, and make yourself as comfortable as possible

1. Become aware of the physical sensations in your body

Do you feel tightness in your chest, stomach or shoulders? Is there a fiery sensation traveling up through your legs? Is your heart beating fast? Are you feeling tense?

“Sit in the emotion, whether it is anger, anxiety, or any other uncomfortable emotion, sit in it until you know the emotion until you can feel the energy of it, pulsing through your body, until you can find a way to actually be with it and not run away from it”. 

Tip! Let’s say you feel anger. Locate the feeling in your body, now enter the feeling and spread the feeling throughout your body. Try to fill your whole body with the sensation of anger until the emotion disappears. The more you do this the faster the emotion dissipates.

2. Breathe

Take slow deep breaths. Let your breath be your anchor for the moment. Wherever you feel the discomfort in your body, breathe into the discomfort. If you feel tightness in your stomach, breathe in and out through the tension until it dissolves. Continue taking full deep breaths, filling your entire body until it starts to relax. You can imagine filling your chest or stomach and breathing out through your hands and feet. 

3. Observe your thoughts 

Observe your thoughts and the many stories they are telling you. Recognize them, become fully aware, and present with them. Does a specific thought ignite uncomfortable emotions? Can you let go of the thought? Bring a sense of gentleness, kindness, and curiosity to the sensations your thoughts are creating. If you can’t let them go at the moment, write them down and work on them in a wakeful state. You may write down whatever comes up if you want to change your perspective on other thoughts as well. 

4. Keep relaxing and releasing 

Keep breathing and gently unravel your thoughts, with ease keep on releasing them. Observe the sensations in your body dissipate, and observe your thoughts gently subside. Keep doing this until you feel ready to come out of your meditation. 

5. Respond to the situation 

It is easier to communicate with your partner in a loving and gentle way when you have aligned yourself and you feel more at ease. Try not to accuse your partner, instead share how you feel about the situation and try to resolve it together. One does the dishes while the other one cooks. 

6. Let go of expectations

An important part of relationships is to let go of your expectations of them and your desire to change the other person. If you expect someone to be a certain way it invites judgment of them, the situation and you may be faced with uncontrollable anger. Accept them fully and accept every situation arising in your relationship. Try to find the solutions in your meditation practices instead. 

By practicing mindfulness daily or when intense emotions arise, we are building trust in our ability to be present in the emotions that we have. This process will help us become more acquainted with our feelings and will teach our body and subconscious mind that intense emotions are acceptable and that we can stay within them. The more we accept them, the easier it will be for us to handle ourselves and our emotional states in future difficult situations. 

Even so-called negative emotions are a natural part of us and should NEVER be avoided.

Remember, situations and emotions are not permanent and will eventually pass.